I asked this question

Today, I asked myself this question.


  What would I feel if my father died?


I grew up with my grandparents, they were the ones who raised me and loves me. If I were to ask myself, WHAT WOULD I FEEL IF MY GRANDPARENTS DIE? The answer would be so simple, I would cry, and feel that the world before me would crumble.

I know, everyone of us dies but this doesn't prepare me to the fact that those persons who raised me like their own child would live me in this world.

That is not the same with my father. Will I cry when he dies? Will I even shed a tear for him? I could not feel the love between us, only hatred. He makes me feel that his my siblings are his only children. I do not get that the same affection as much as them, but I do get that glare when I do something wrong. Like that stare deep in my soul how much he hates me even for the simplest things.

He is so bad tempered when I am around, can't even take a joke from me. Now, this question repeats on me all day. Am I gonna be happy when he is gone? Will he gonna be happy when I'm gone? Will I regret this, hating him? Will he regret doing this to me? What would I do when one day he is lost in this world forever?

I still have no answer to this questions, but it will be answered in the future.